Bass Ranges

I’m a big fan of Mark Warner’s Exceptional Poker blog. At least I was a big fan until I read his newest post. Now I’m a huge fan! If you want to know why, click through and read his post all the way to near the end, at the 2nd bullet point under Further Discussion.

Obviously this man is brilliant.

Speaking of brilliant, that’s not how I felt about myself after hitting a straight flush last night, winning a decent pot and a straight flush jackpot worth over 550 big blinds.

As the game was fixing to start, the player on my right and I were engaged in some friendly trash talking about slow-rolling. For purposes of this blog, I’ll call him “Stephen.” We are friends. At another venue recently, he had slow-rolled me, sort of, in a small pot, saying something to the effect of “I know I can slow-roll you because you aren’t the type of player to get all worked up about it especially when the pot is small.” That led to this blog post about slow-rolling.

Ever since, I’ve been promising Stephen a slow-roll in return. After all, what are friends for?

Back to last night. Two hands into the session, Stephen put out a small pre-flop raise and I called with 7♣6♣. Everyone else folded.

Flop: 7♠5♣4♣. We both check.

Turn: Q. Stephen makes a small bet and I call.

River: 3♣. BOOM!

Stephen checks. Not only am I going to win this pot, but there is a progressive straight flush “piggy” worth over $1,100. I haven’t won one of these in a very long time, and feel the predictable adrenaline surge.

I still have to bet. Stephen seems to have given up on this pot. Since I don’t think he’s going to call even the tiniest bet, I decide to bomb the pot for fun, grabbing a stack of chips worth about 2.5x the pot size and dropping them on the felt.

To my surprise, Stephen quickly and casually flips out a single chip signifying a call, and rolls over K♣Q♣ for a K-high flush.

There are times when the brain and mouth can’t seem to coordinate with each other, and you immediately realize that what you actually said isn’t what you wanted to say but the brain couldn’t quite catch up fast enough. This was one of those times.

I turned my cards over quickly, yelling out the host’s name to make sure I collected the jackpot money. As I heard the words “straight flush” emerge from the sound waves departing my mouth, my brain was telling me “Dude, this is your perfect slow-rolling opportunity!”

If Stephen is reading this, please accept my humble apology. I, KKing David of the poker felt, do hereby apologize for failing to slow-roll you whence opportunity presented itself. There aren’t going to be second chances and the trash talking is done. If you want to get slow-rolled, you must find a different asshole to do it to you. I had my chance to be a douchebag and blew it. I hope my friends, family and blog readers know this isn’t my true character. It’s not who I am as a person. I try to keep my promises, and know I let y’all down by not delivering an epic slow-roll last night and if my inactions failed to hurt your feelings I am truly sorry.


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