“We all make mistakes – especially at home.”
I found these words at the Daily Stoic, in an article about Marcus Aurelius, a Stoic philosopher who became Emperor of Rome from 161-180, then broke with tradition in selecting his incapable son as his successor rather than a proven leader.
Ironic, isn’t it?
It was Marcus Aurelius who said this:
“Begin the morning by saying to yourself, I shall meet with the busybody, the ungrateful, arrogant, deceitful, envious, unsocial. All these things happen to them by reason of their ignorance of what is good and evil. … I can neither be injured by any of them, for no one can fix on me what is ugly, nor can I be angry with my kinsman, nor hate him.”
Marcus taught us to approach our fellow humans as kinsmen – think of everybody as a brother, sister, cousin, etc. – to be loved and not hated, despite the flaws of being busybodies, arrogant, deceitful, envious, or unsocial. His point is that people are flawed, flaws are part and parcel of the human condition, thus we should expend extra effort to condition ourselves not to overreact.
Poker is a competitive game involving incomplete information. Even in games like chess where nothing is hidden, there will be mistakes. In poker, less information leads to more mistakes. The same is true in many other activities – investing, relationships, negotiating, weather forecasting…
We all make mistakes. The Stoics acknowledged that, and developed their school of philosophy around forgiveness – of themselves and of others. We cannot control others in a manner that prevents mistakes, bad attitudes, negative emotions, poor judgment or devious conduct. We cannot expect to conduct ourselves to be mistake-free. The Stoics reasoned that we must work at controlling how we react when these inevitable things happen all around us. Otherwise, every one of our days is surely to be ruined.
Two millennia later, Marcus Aurelius’ words ring as true as ever.
I’m re-reading The Mental Game of Poker, by Jared Tendler, which is an excellent book. Tendler offers strategies for letting go of mistakes – whether made by yourself or other players who end up winning despite their errors – that put us on tilt, which further blocks the brain from making correct decisions. Among other strategies, Tendler advocates writing as a tool for working through aspect of your “mental game.” Here I am.
I have made many mistakes. I continue to make mistakes. I will make many more mistakes. Poker mistakes cost me money. Other mistakes cost me in other ways. I own my mistakes, and they are the experiences from which I can learn the most. I hope I can learn, and also forgive.
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